Dragons Breathe with Flames of Grace

Seriphim Mandala

Unravelling the Impact of the aggressor, who is chasing honour after feeling impacted by the exposure of trauma from a family member, or a change in family dynamic due to a death or a new partner. A reflection on the unseen aggression from a survivor's perspective, in dishonouring the innocent; the individual's quiet restoration of the soul.

There is a violence that doesn’t show itself but is present in western culture; a wound that bleeds without blood. A crushing silence that kills slowly, it happens every day, especially to those that have been impacted by trauma, assault and significant neglect. It happens behind smoke screens of smiles, beauty, style, elegance, status, behind carefully ironed shirts, high heels, smart cars, behind degrees, dinner tables and family chat groups. It happens when someone’s innocence or sanctuary is assaulted and the world around them refuses to acknowledge what’s real, leaving them with a gross emotional and physical deficit in through the abandoning of their story.

We often think of abuse as an event. But it’s more than that, it’s a system of control, a distorted connection, a highly manipulated moment of selfish destruction, an impact that penetrates through a whole lifetime. Denial, betrayal of trust, seeds that become gross concerns, pushing through and penetrating with physical force, through abusive language, control, coercive manners, domestic abuse, unjust work policies, exploitative practice, with the intention to disable and ruin.

But it also comes through emotional neglect, through financial disablement, through silence that erases, through conversations that should happen but never do. It comes through those who were meant to love you, but couldn’t face the truth of what was done, their roles, or how they let you down. Most of all, it comes through the deep dishonour of not being believed or of being accused of being a liar, of not looking at clear evidence, or a sensitive accounting of the person's experience. Over time this neglect and projection causes anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress disorder, trauma, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and disease.

We are all innocent, in some way, in many areas of our lives. We all carry within us a part that trusts, that reaches out for goodness, that wants an honest accounting of our lives, we wish for our hopes to be seen with kind eyes, to be spoken to with care, to be held when life hurts, to be valued, but what happens when those values are held on to so tightly they are lost?

The part of us, that is open, honest, a dreamer, the open-hearted one, is assaulted, by betrayal, by control, by abuse, by emotional and spiritual invasion. By being used, judged, dismissed, denied, by being inconvenient to others. This is not always spoken about, because it doesn’t always come in obvious forms. But it leaves people shattered and sometimes extremely isolated and alone.

Because the passive aggressive violence that follows the path of healing, disclosure or significant change; the silence, the minimisation, the rewriting of reality, can feel like a second blow. More painful, more permanent, because it comes from those who say they love you but they do not show any significant care, love or meaningful appraisal. The family and community often rallies together to support false narratives, creating an abusive stoic stand off, emotionally unavailable and checked out, coercively and collectively projecting a false reality, using smoke screens of beauty, status and style.

Families are often the first place we experience love, but they can also be the first place we are taught not to trust, not to speak too loudly, not to cause discomfort. Not to ruin the mood with honesty. When abuse is revealed, or the dynamics shift (through death and changes in parental relationships) when the truth is finally said out loud, it often threatens the image that a family has worked hard to create.

So they protect that image and the status quo, not always out of cruelty, sometimes out of fear, often out of their own unhealed shame. That shame then causes a motivation of disrespect, most persons are unaware of their own distasteful behaviour, however in their own perceived devaluing that has arisen through family circumstance, they cover up, control and attempt to disempower, hide the truth, make the person invisible, disabling them and abandoning them, this can go on for decades, silently or passive aggressively.

Sometimes this is because, those persons simply can’t hold the truth of what happened, can't attend to the healing, or to the accounting of the concern, they may have an agenda, but the result is the same; the survivor is left alone, silenced, treated as the threat, de-valued, reduced to a disabled state, in which their survival needs are not met.

This is the silent killer, the slow death that happens when a person is dishonoured for surviving, for speaking up, for taking a position, for being open and honest, for dealing with their reality; it’s the message, spoken or implied, that your experience is too uncomfortable to be real - that you don't have a place at the table. That your pain is too disruptive to be part of the family story. That it would be easier for everyone if you simply stopped feeling it and disappeared, this happens at work, in the community, in the doctor's surgery, they say 'please leave', they cast out, send the person into exile.

The survivor may have learnt to be quiet, to be invisible or to tuck themselves away, but over time, as the person heals, their voice slowly grows, their ability to process their emotions, becomes empowered and they learn to be direct, to rise, to expand, to take on their own authority. The person realises their value as someone who stands solid in the path of truth, which is highly inconvenient to most of society.

When everything else falls away, when the house of cards falls with the false narratives, truly falls, which may happen after the death of a parent, when you’ve been shut out or shut down, when you are yet again homeless; when your heart can’t take anymore, life begins to rebuild from the ruins. It doesn’t happen all at once, but it begins. You start to notice the people who see you, really see you.

The friend who listens without fear. The stranger who makes room for your sadness.The soul who says, “I believe you.”“You are not too much.”“You deserve to be loved in full, to be accepted for everything that you are, to be heard and seen and supported in your journey.”

These people are your soul family. Not the ones you were born into. But the ones you were born to find. They arrive not to fix you, but to walk beside you as you become.

They honour your voice, your expression, your presence, they stand with you and they want you to grow, not for them, but for you, because your becoming inspires theirs. Through these relationships, through the small moments of trust rebuilt, something else begins to return.

Grace

Grace is not a gift from others, it is a force that rises within, a God given spiritual truth, that acknowledges your path and stands with you, as it was always meant to be. It’s the breath that comes after grief. It’s the light of truth, that returns after a long internal night, its the ability to walk in front of those who hand their heads in shame.

Grace says: You are still worthy. You are still whole, even if broken open. You are not defined by what happened to you, or how they responded to your truth.

Grace isn’t perfection, it’s presence, it’s what happens when you hold yourself tenderly, even when others couldn’t. It’s what happens when your voice, once silenced, becomes your song.

Truth is a concrete path, that enables forgiveness and a naked walk through the field of natural experience, in which you can receive nourishment, acceptance and you rise.

Families and communities that should have embraced truth, often seek to surpress the voice of truth, your voice, turning their backs and avoiding the reality of the situation.

Truth is the beginning of healing. It is not what breaks families, it’s what can make them whole but often the voice of truth is tidied away and avoided. Then truth will still be your path and grace will still meet you there.

Because healing isn’t about being accepted back into the home where you were silenced or avoided. It is about building a new home with firm foundations of truth, for your voice, in a place, where truth is honoured, innocence is seen, and love is real. Your soul can rest, can restore itself, through growth, expansion and nourishment. You can stand up and walk, find your people and live again.

Sacred Pathways

On a spiritual level the dragon or wyrm/serpent is activated to guide you, to soothe the pain of not being met in the world by your family and community, the dragons calm you amongst the external conflict so that you can hold peace with your internal world. The energy allows buoyancy and Grace. Dragons bring peace where there is an abandonment of love, they clear the paths to Glory so that the multi-dimensional universe can express itself through you. They seek to keep the leigh lines and the energy centres healthy so that you can remain in relationship to God, they make sure you receive an abundance of spiritual wealth in your experience that is given from being a child of God, wholly accepted for the path you are on, making sure you are looked after on this earth and wholly accepted. Reconnecting you to high vibration energies, the Light Council and God. Christ consciousness heals and restores, enabling clarity and illuminations and the freeing of conflicting energies, so that even the serpents and dragons find their slumber and pearls of wisdom so you may be freed to live more wholly and speak more openly, with your true value being understood from a place of clarity and truth.

www.insightforlife.co

The Clinical Terms -

The suppression of a person or child's identity due to shame and loss of honour, falls under several interconnected psychological and sociocultural phenomena. Here are some terms that apply:

1. Identity Suppression / Identity Trauma

• This refers broadly to when a young person is prevented from expressing or developing their authentic self, often due to external shame, control, or punishment.

• In cases of family shame or honour-based systems, the child may internalise guilt for being different or not meeting expectations, this can follow them through life.

  
  

2. Toxic Shame

• Coined by John Bradshaw and others in trauma psychology.

• It refers to a deep-seated feeling that one is inherently flawed or unworthy, often resulting from emotional abuse, neglect, or family systems that punish authenticity.

3. Internalised Oppression

• Often used in cultural or gender contexts.

• A child may absorb societal or familial shame messages and begin to police or erase their own identity to maintain belonging or safety.

4. Honour-Based Abuse / Shame Culture Impact

• In systems where family honour is tied to a child’s behavior, divergence (in sexuality, beliefs, lifestyle, expression) can lead to emotional abuse and identity suppression.

• This is particularly common in honour-shame cultures, but can happen in any family with rigid expectations.

5. Developmental Trauma / Complex PTSD

• If the suppression is ongoing, it can cause long-term dysregulation of self-worth and identity, manifesting as complex trauma or CPTSD.

6. Enmeshment and Parentification

• In families where the child is made to carry the emotional burden or uphold the family’s “face,” they often have no room to explore or own their identity.

"A child wrapped in silence, not by choice but by the weight of projected shame, a suppression not of behavior but of being. This is identity trauma, born of dishonour, where the spirit learns to flinch in its cage before it flies."